


Once Upon A Time on Valentine’s Day

by noxsoulmate



Series: Once Upon A Time [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abortion, Accidental Pregnancy, Adoption, Cheating, Dean Has Secrets, Destiel Valentine's Mini Bang, Developing Relationship, Don't read the rest of the tags if you don't want to get spoiled, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Planning, Fluff, Foster Care, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Secrets, Standalone, Surrogacy, Timestamp, Valentine's Day, talk about future:, talk about past:
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-20 07:04:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13712448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noxsoulmate/pseuds/noxsoulmate
Summary: Castiel and Dean have been dating for eight weeks on the dot. Their first Valentine’s Day together almost turns bad when Cas spies Dean in the flower shop, buying flowers that are clearly meant for someone else. The real secret behind the flowers, however, leads Cas to a place he certainly never thought he would be on Valentine’s Day.





	Once Upon A Time on Valentine’s Day

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my lovelies <3  
> I know most of you're waiting for an update on _Lumberjack Cookies_ and I promise, that fic is not abandoned! But a lot of stuff happened that led to me needing a break from everything - social media, the fandom, even writing. But with this fic, I'm finally back :) so _Lumberjack Cookies_ will be updated (and finished) soon! Thanks for sticking with me  <3
> 
> This fic is part of my Once Upon A Time series but don't worry if you don't know the other parts or if you don't remember them because this is a standalone. Also, there's a short summary below on what happened so far. The fic is also my entry for this year's [Destiel Valentine's Mini Bang](http://destielvalentinesminibang.tumblr.com/) and the biggest thanks goes to [thefriendlypigeon](http://thefriendlypigeon.tumblr.com/) for her wonderful art ^_^ I knew you would choose that motive, what with your phobia of fluff :P  
> A big thanks to my wonderful beta [vintagenoise](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vintagenoise/pseuds/vintagenoise), who took precious time off of working on her latest and very amazing installment in the [Young Volcanoes series](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12200652) to help me out. 
> 
> Have fun reading <3
> 
>  **Previously on “Once Upon A Time”:** Castiel and Dean met in 2014 shortly before Christmas. Cas, who works in a Disney Store, had lost his voice, so he wrote a note, telling kids that Ursula the Sea Witch had taken it. Little Mary Winchester took his note seriously and begged her uncle Dean to rescue Cas. Sparks flew instantly and the first few dates went amazingly. This timestamp is mostly set eight weeks later on Valentine’s Day 2015. But: in the last chapter of the original story, Dean and Cas get married a year after they first met. So parts of this fic will play on Valentine’s Day 2018 when they’ve been married a little over two years.

** Once Upon A Time on Valentine’s Day **

 

** Valentine’s Day 2018 **

Once upon a time, Castiel Winchester was preparing a very special Valentine’s gift for his husband Dean.

While he was wrapping the thick envelope in some cheesy wrapping paper covered in pink hearts and little teddy bears holding red roses, Cas couldn’t stop smiling. When he was done, he put it down next to Dean’s place at the dinner table and then hurried to get the candles. It might just be a regular Wednesday for other people, but Cas had taken off a day from work just to get everything set up and ready. He couldn’t wait for Dean to come home from school because he’d planned quite an evening for them.

As he finished setting up and decorating the table, he grinned again when his gaze fell on the wrapped envelope. It had been a good decision to wait until today to give this to his husband, rather than as a birthday present. That had been his first thought when he’d collected all the things inside the envelope some four weeks ago. But then he’d also found this special offer for a weekend in a cabin in the Rocky Mountains and seeing how Dean was often complaining that Cas was a “city boy” and how Dean missed hunting and fishing trips … yeah, it seemed like the better present for a birthday. In hindsight, Cas was very happy about that. Because this present, wrapped and tied up with a sparkling white ribbon – that certainly was better given on a day that held so much meaning for the two of them.

After all, it had been three years ago on the dot that the topic had really come up between the two of them for the first time.

 

~*~

 

** Valentine’s Day 2015 **

Once upon a time, the still fresh relationship between Castiel Novak and his prince Dean Winchester was about to face its first storm when demons of the past were brought to light.

Together with his co-worker and good friend Meg, Cas was browsing around the flower shop, a few doors down from the Disney Store they both worked at. He’d already clocked out and was done for the day, so he had enough time to collect what he would need for a nice dinner with his new boyfriend.

“You’re sure lying to Dean is a good start for your happily ever after?” Meg asked, scrunching up her nose as she examined some of the special Valentine’s offers.

“It’s not really lying, you know.”

“It’s not? How would you call it then that you told him you’d had to work all day when in reality you only had the morning shift?”

“A white lie,” Cas replied, picking up the very thing Meg had just examined and assessed with a gagging noise.

His friend rolled her eyes at him. “Sure, tell yourself that if it makes you feel better.”

“Look,” Cas said, putting the Armor figurine back down. “Dean asked me if I had time this afternoon, so I had to come up with something. I want to surprise him and for that, I need a few hours before we meet.”

“Still a liii-hiiieee,” Meg sing-sang, making Cas roll his eyes as well.

His friend was accompanying him to the flower shop because they’d car-pooled this morning, leaving Meg no other choice than to wait for him or to be a jerk and leave him behind. Cas was glad she’d chosen the first option and took her teasing with a grain of salt. He knew it wasn’t _ideal_ to lie to Dean. But it was Valentine’s Day, and their relationship was still so fresh, just eight weeks on the dot, so he wanted to make it something special. He had planned for a romantic dinner in his backyard (okay, Gabe’s backyard, since he was _still_ living with his brother, but who cares), and that meant a lot of preparation. Like putting up a canopy to keep them safe from the snowfall that was predicted for tonight and putting up lots of candles and space heaters. Not to mention cooking and decorating the backyard and so, so much more. So yeah, he had lied to Dean about how he would spend his afternoon, but it was for a good reason.

Picking up a few lanterns with carved-in hearts that would let the candle light through, he put them in his basket before moving on. He was just about to pick up the next item to examine it closer, when Meg’s hand landed on his arm, pulling him a bit further behind the shelves they were browsing.

“What the –”

“Shhhhh,” Meg cut him off and pointed towards the front of the store, just visible through the shelves. It was enough for Cas to see a very familiar man standing in line to be served next by the ladies at the counter.

“Looks like you’ll get some flowers tonight.”

Cas hardly listened to her as a dopey smile formed on his lips. Dean really was the sweetest and damn, he would even buy him flowers. It didn’t matter that Cas was doing the same. It also didn’t matter that flowers were kinda predictable on Valentine’s Day. It was still so sweet and Cas really wanted to walk up to his boyfriend right now and kiss him. But that would give away his lie and therefore his surprise, so he continued hiding. Maybe he should also look away to avoid seeing what Dean got for him? Then again, taking a little peek wouldn’t hurt anyone, right?

As Dean stepped up to the counter, the saleslady’s smile grew wider, making Cas low-key growl. He knew Jessica, the girl behind the counter, and he also knew that Dean was exactly her type.

“Mr. Winchester, so nice to see you again,” Jessica said, and wow, she knew him by name? “Would you like your usual order? Or should it be something special for your girlfriend this month, since it’s Valentine’s Day?”

“Something special would be great, Jessica, thank you. Actually ---”

Whatever else Dean was saying was completely lost on Castiel.

“Did -- did she just say his _usual order_ for his _girlfriend_?”

“Clarence, calm down,” Meg hissed, clasping his arm to the point that it was painful. Thankfully, it helped Cas to keep his head clear. “I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding. Or there’s a pretty good explanation.”

“Oh yeah? Like _what_?”

“Like … maybe they are for Jess and she thinks –”

“You think he’s buying his sister-in-law flowers every damn _month_?”

“I don’t know!” Meg hissed back.

“Besides, Sam and Jess are visiting her parents with the girls. So no, they’re not for her.”

Meg didn’t reply and unable to continue, Cas simply watched in stupor as Jessica finished one bouquet after another, all the while making heart eyes at Dean. However, the young saleslady with a crush on his boyfriend honestly was the least of his problems. Once all three – **_three!_** – bouquets of different colored roses were wrapped up, Dean took them, gave the girl one last smile, and left the shop. He wasn’t even completely out of the door before the second saleslady, a new addition to the shop Cas didn’t yet know by name, finished up with her own customer and turned to her co-worker.

“Oh my God, who was that Adonis?”

“Right? Have you ever seen a hotter guy?”

“Do you know him?”

“No. But he comes in every month, always buying a bouquet of yellow roses with one single white one for his girlfriend. You’ll see him again very soon.”

“Wow. I wish I had a man like that. That’s one lucky lady he has there.”

“Right? Lord have mercy, but for that guy I would even put my morals aside and sleep with a man that is taken.”

Cas had heard enough. Within a heartbeat he was out of his hiding spot, leaving the basket behind and ignoring Meg calling after him. However, his friend was able to catch up with him just in front of the shop. “Clarence, would you please just _stop_.”

Looking around wildly, Cas had no idea what to do, what to think, or where to go. What was happening right now?

“ _Castiel!_ ”

Grabbing both of his arms, Meg shook him until his eyes finally focused on her. His friend using his actual name for once helped to have him focus on her.

“Just stop and think for a second, okay? Take a deep breath and calm down.”

It was hard to admit, but Meg was right; jumping to rash conclusions wasn’t helpful. So he took three calming breaths and let his mind clear, trying to look at it from a rational side. He knew Dean. He knew this man, and what was maybe more important in this situation, he also knew his family. He’d spent New Year’s Eve with them as well as Dean’s birthday. If Dean really was hiding another relationship – well then he was hiding it from his family as well, and that was just not the man Dean Winchester was.

So, no.

No, there was no way Dean was cheating on him – or cheating with him on someone else, or whatever this would be. Cas was already hating himself for even thinking it for just a single moment. His only excuse was the short time they’d spent with each other and the fact that clearly, he didn’t know everything that was happening in the man’s life. Not yet, at least.

Before he could think this through and talk himself out of it, his phone was in his hand, Dean’s number dialed, and the phone ringing.

“What are you doing?”

His only reaction to Meg’s question was a raised finger to shush her, waiting for the line to be picked up.

“Hey, Babe.”

Dean’s voice instantly soothed Cas’ nerves. “Hello, Dean.”

“I thought you were working. Missed me so much you had to call anyway?”

Dean’s teasing coaxed a smile from Cas and soothed him even further. How the hell could he have thought anything bad about this man for just one moment?

“Yes, actually. I always miss you when we’re not together.”

“That is so sappy,” Dean accused with a chuckle, before softly adding: “Me too.”

Giving himself just a moment to enjoy the butterflies soaring high but not enough to second guess his spur of the moment plan, Cas went right on. “And I actually lied to you.”

“Ehm, okay?”

“I only had the morning shift. I wanted to surprise you tonight and I needed a bit time until then.”

“Okay?” Dean repeated, not sounding angry but rather confused. “So why tell me now?”

“Because I just saw you.” When Dean didn’t reply, he added quietly, “at the flower shop? Where Jessica talked about your _girlfriend_?”

There was a short pause, before he heard a soft, “oh,” from his boyfriend.

“That’s not really the reaction I’d been hoping for,” Cas pressed out, chuckling awkwardly, almost agonized.

However, Dean’s strong reaction took him by surprise. “No, Cas, please. There’s a story behind that. Ehm -- fuck. Where are you?”

“What?”

“Look, I’ll explain this to you. Just -- not on the phone, okay? I swear it’s nothing bad. I mean, at least not for _us_.”

That was not reassuring at all. Dean must have realized where Cas’ thoughts had jumped. “Dean, I wasn’t thinking anything bad. At least not … okay, so maybe at first, but I know it must just be a misunderstanding, right?”

He could hear a deep sigh as if Dean had been holding his breath and now released it all at once before answering. “Yes. Thank God, yes. It’s a bit complicated, and I’d planned on taking you there today. But then you said you had to work.”

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. Where are you?” Dean sounded out of breath and there were noises coming through the phone that doubled the noises Cas himself was surrounded by.

Looking around, he searched for the man in the crowd. “Still in front of the flower shop.”

“Yeah, I see you now,” Dean replied, having Cas do another 180-turn.

Dean was jogging towards him. There were no flowers in his hands, which led Cas to believe he’d already been back at his car. As soon as they made eye-contact, Dean disconnected their call and slowed down just enough to not look like a maniac.

“Okay, I swear,” Dean started once he was close enough to be heard in the crowd. “I honestly don’t have a girlfriend or anything.”

“I know that,” Cas told him.

Still, Dean went on, having reached him by now. “And I’m sorry I didn’t correct that Jessica-girl back at the flower shop.”

“Dean, honestly –”

“No, Cas, please,” Dean interrupted him. His face was pink, further proof of being in the cold just minutes before, but it also looked full of pain. “I feel like an ass. I should have corrected her.”

“Why didn’t you?” Cas replied softly when it seemed Dean didn’t know how to continue. It wasn’t the most pressing question on his mind, but apparently, his boyfriend felt guilty about it. So they would talk this out first.

“It’s stupid, really,” Dean continued, brushing his hand through his hair. “It’s just -- she’s been hitting on me ever since she started working here. It was funny in the beginning but after a while, it was just annoying. So after a few times, I told her that the flowers are for my girlfriend. She’s still hitting on me, but it’s by far not as bad as it used to be.”

Dean looked like he was about to sink down on his knees and beg for Cas’ forgiveness. That, combined with the story, had Cas chuckling involuntarily.

“Are you laughing at me?”

“Yes,” Cas managed between the chuckles, before winding his arms around Dean’s waist and pulling him into a kiss. “You’re so cute when you are embarrassed.”

The complaining noise Dean made was short-lived, because he gave right in when Cas was kissing him a second and a third time.

It was Meg clearing her throat that brought them back to their surroundings. “That’s indeed a funny story, Dean-o. But it begs the question: who are these flowers for then?”

“Ah, yeah,” Dean replied, one hand still on Cas’ hip while the other wandered to rub his neck. “Well, one is obviously for Cas. The yellow roses are the ones I get every month, because they’re for my mom’s grave –”

Of course! Cas could hit himself, the answer so obvious. He’d known from the very beginning that Dean had lost his mother as a kid, flowers for her grave were the most logical explanation.

“– and the white ones,” Dean continued, yet not ending his sentence. Heaving a heavy sigh, he let go of Cas’ hip and took his hand instead. “Look, I wanna tell you, I really do. Like I said, I had plans to show you today anyway. Just … not at the mall? I’ve been thinking about this for a while now and that I want to tell you. But not here.”

“Okay?”

“You said you’re free, right? Any chance you would like to come with me after all?”

Cas thought about it for just a moment – all that he had planned, all that he’d wanted to prepare for Dean – but in the end, he knew one thing for sure: this was very important for his boyfriend and probably a big step in their relationship. What was a romantic dinner and some candlelight compared to that?

“Sure.”

 

~*~

 

Dean’s Baby was parked close to the entrance, and while he got in, Cas could see the three wrapped bouquets on the back seat. In hindsight, he was glad that he hadn’t let his imagination run too wild. Sure, their relationship – hell, their whole acquaintance – was still very fresh, he couldn’t know every dark detail about the man. But Dean didn’t deserve to be accused of any wrongdoing just for buying flowers and because of some gossiping saleslady.

The air was piercing cold and the inside of the Impala wasn’t that much better. It wasn’t the only reason Cas didn’t hesitate to slide up against Dean, snuggling as close as he could while still ensuring that Dean was able to drive. The relieved smile Dean gave him was beautiful and told him that his boyfriend still felt guilty about the situation. So once Dean had navigated them out of the parking lot and his hand was free, Cas took it, kissed his knuckles, and then just held it close.

“Stop being so worried. I don’t believe you’re going to drive me to a secret lover.”

Thankfully, his joke punched a laugh out of Dean and a quick kiss was pressed to Cas’ temple. “That would be really absurd, wouldn’t it?” Dean took his hand back for a moment to have a better grip on the steering wheel, before putting his arm around Cas’ shoulder and pulling him close. “No, it’s not that. I’m just nervous about the story.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve never told it before. To anyone.”

That really got Cas’ attention and he looked up at Dean the best he could from this position. Dean’s gaze was fixed on the road – which was probably better, since the streets might very well be frozen with the low temperatures – and when he didn’t go on, Cas spoke up. “Not even to Sam?”

“I didn’t have to. He was there when it all happened, so …”

“Oh,” Cas replied, not sure how else to react. After another moment of silence, he turned forward again, staring out the windshield, just waiting. His heart was racing, Dean’s words flying around his head. He would be the first to know whatever this secret of Dean’s was and the gravity of that revelation was too much for Cas to think about right now.

“I told you my mom passed when I was very young, didn’t I?”

The question came out of nowhere after a few blocks of comfortable silence. Now that Dean seemed to finally have found his words, Cas didn’t want to interrupt and only nodded.

“Yellow roses were her favorites, so every month I buy some and put them on her grave. Usually, I add one white rose, but today I felt like buying a whole bouquet of those as well. They’re for --” Dean stopped and there was a pause once more.

It wasn’t hard to see how Dean was fighting with himself to get these words out. The next time he had to release Cas from his arm to steer the car in the right direction, Cas waited until his hand was free again before taking it and speaking up. “You don’t have to tell me, you know?”

“I want to,” Dean whispered without a moment’s hesitation. “It’s just harder than I thought. Mostly because I’m worried you’ll think I’m crazy.”

“What?!” Cas exclaimed. Whatever reason he’d expected, that one had not been on the list. “Why would I think that?” The more he thought about it, the more he was sure that they were talking about another person his boyfriend had lost and was now grieving. Why on earth would Cas think him crazy for grieving his loss?

And who was it? All he knew was that Dean had no contact with his father anymore and no idea where the man was or if he was still alive. The one time they’d talked about John, Dean had sounded so passive that Cas couldn’t believe he would buy flowers for him.

So who was it?

Before he could get ahead of himself, he wanted to make sure he was on the right path with his thoughts. They were confirmed the further they drove, since the road they’d just turned on lead to one of the city’s cemeteries. “It’s another person you’ve lost, isn’t it?”

Dean nodded, but before he could find the right words to explain, they entered the cemetery’s parking lot. Once he parked the car, all he did was sit and wait for a moment, not making a move to get out.

Cas waited as well and after a few moments, Dean spoke again.

“Do you remember our first date?”

Squinting about the sudden change in topic, Cas once more only nodded.

With a small voice, Dean continued, still just looking ahead, probably not seeing anything at all. “Remember how you asked me if I ever wanted kids of my own?”

The words only took a heartbeat to sink in and right away, Cas’ could _feel_ all the color draining from his face, a cold gripping his insides. And the moment Dean’s sad eyes landed on him, he knew that his assumption was correct.

_Oh my God._

His wide eyes must have given away that he got it; that he knew what Dean was implying. Without saying another word, Dean got out of the car and not wanting to miss one word, Cas scrambled to do the same. By the time he was outside and had moved around the Impala, Dean had taken out two of the bouquets. Unwrapping them, he revealed the yellow and the white roses.

“The answer to your question is Yes,” he continued as if he hadn’t just indirectly told Cas that – what? That he’d lost a child? That somewhere there was a grave with the name of a little Winchester on it? Cas’ head was spinning, but Dean’s voice remained calm despite him having trouble getting the words out in the first place. “It has always been Yes. Maybe it was raising Sam, or it was always just supposed to be my calling, I don’t know.”

Once Dean had locked his car, he turned towards Cas and took his hand, holding both bouquets in the other. Together, they made their way towards what Cas assumed was Mary Winchester’s grave.

“Whatever it was, I knew from a young age that I wanted to work with children and that I wanted a full house myself. Girls, boys, I don’t care. I just always wanted them.”

The moment Dean’s voice broke on his last few words, Cas squeezed his hand, walking even closer by his side. Dean squeezed back and visibly relaxed, sending Cas a small smile, and then continued.

“Lydia wasn’t my first girlfriend, but she was … well, I guess you can call her my high school sweetheart. We always knew it wouldn’t last, our dreams were way too different and our love for each other not deep enough to seriously try. That didn’t mean we didn’t enjoy our time together.” A sad smile played around Dean’s lips. “After graduation, we both went our separate ways. She took off to study in another state and I took one year off to earn some money before I went to KU. However, by chance, we met again a few summers later. We were both unattached and thought we just had some fun, but –” Drawing in a deep breath, Dean finally rushed it out. “We weren’t careful enough and a few weeks later she stood in my room, sobbing, telling me she was pregnant.” This time, Dean let out a real laugh. “Can you imagine how absurd that moment was? My ex telling me she’s pregnant while sobbing her eyes out, and all I can do is feel _happy_? God, I was so, so happy. I mean, yeah, I also felt guilty. For not being careful enough; for putting that pressure on her while we were still so young; and also for wanting something she so clearly didn’t.”

With the darkness returning to Dean’ss face, Cas had a very bad inkling where this was going.

“I told her I was there for her, that I would help her with everything she needed. I even offered to marry her so her parents wouldn’t freak. She was against that, said she was too young to be tied down and that she didn’t love me enough. I guess I should be thankful for that, to not be caged in a loveless marriage now. But on the other hand, I wish --”

They’d slowed down their walk by now and when Dean not only stopped talking but also stopped walking altogether, Cas turned towards the grave, half expecting to read more than one name. But all he found was a gray headstone, the name _Mary Winchester_ engraved in beautiful script. In front of it lay a partly withered bouquet of yellow roses, one single white one in its middle.

“I wish I had insisted on it more. I wish I had _done_ more.” His hand left Cas’ for a moment and Cas pretended not to notice the movement over Dean’s face. Or the fact that his hand was slightly wet when their fingers intertwined once more. “We agreed on raising our child together. I made plans to drop out of university, move to her town and get a job. I was ready to take care of the finances and the baby so she could continue her studies. It didn’t matter that we weren’t together anymore, I still made plans for a shared future and she agreed to them. Or so I had thought.”

A slight tremble shook through Dean, and Cas let go of his hand in favor of winding his arms around Dean’s middle, hugging him from the side. Relieved, he felt how Dean leaned into his support. Despite that, Dean’s voice trembled as he continued.

“A week later, she was suddenly gone. Just like that. No note, no call, nothing. Her parents wouldn’t tell me anything. They were pissed, and I even understood that. To some degree at least.”

Still not saying anything, Cas squeezed his boyfriend closer.

There was a long moment of silence, which was broken when Dean rearranged the flowers in his arms and reached into his pocket, getting his wallet out.

“A few days later, I got this letter out of the blue.”

It was an old, pressed note, one that showed clear signs of being carried in a wallet for years and often unfolded and refolded. Carefully reaching for it, Cas looked at Dean, making sure he was really meaning for him to take and read it. Dean simply nodded. Reluctantly letting go of his boyfriend, Cas unfolded the paper as carefully as he could. The letter wasn’t long, written in a hasty scrawl.

 

_Dean,_

_I’m sorry for just disappearing, but I didn’t have the heart to tell you in person what I felt would be best for both of us. For both our futures. We’re too young to raise a child and I don’t want you to throw away your future. Or my own. I felt like this was the only way._

_The appointment was today._

_I’m sorry, I had to do it. I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me one day._

_I’m sorry,_

_Lydia_

 

The girl hadn’t had it in her to actually write out what she’d done, but it was clear as day. Folding the paper as cautiously as he’d unfolded it, he handed it back to Dean and once his hands were empty, he wrapped his arms around the man again.

When Dean spoke again, his voice was not more than a whisper. There were no tears this time, yet Castiel’s heart broke for his boyfriend. “I don’t even know if it would’ve been a boy or a girl.”

Cas couldn’t pretend to understand the kind of grief Dean was going through. He didn’t have to, he was simply there, silently supporting him. After a while, Dean pressed a soft kiss against his temple, before stepping out of his embrace to kneel in front of the grave.

 

 

As he took the withered bouquet away and replaced it with the two fresh ones, he continued to talk.

“I never had a real place to mourn. So a while after I got the letter, I started visiting my mom’s grave more regularly. One day, in the flower shop, there stood these white roses and I just … I came here and prayed to my mom, asking her to watch over my little angel. After that, I came here every month and I have done so ever since.”

It seemed there was nothing more to say for the moment. Cas waited as Dean seemed lost in thought. When he got back up, he reached for Cas’ hand and silently, they stood there until Dean steered them to a stone bench a few feet over. It really was cold outside, but they would manage for a few minutes longer.

“I know this all must sound crazy to you. I mean, I never even met this baby, but –”

“I’m not judging you,” Cas interrupted, realizing that it was the first time he’d spoken since they’d gotten here.

“I didn’t think you would. I’m just sorry –”

“No, Dean, stop,” Cas interrupted once more, seeking out his boyfriend’s gaze. “There’s nothing crazy about this and you certainly don’t have to apologize. Not for not telling me earlier and certainly not for still grieving. Grief, that -- that is something only you know how to handle,” Cas insisted, clasping Dean’s hand tightly. “Trust me, I know. So no one can judge you for this and there’s nothing for you to apologize for, okay?”

A sad smile tucked on Dean’s lips before he leaned in and gave Cas a peck on his lips.

“Thank you.”

“No, Dean, thank you. For opening up to me.” He still could hardly believe that Dean hadn’t told any of his former partners about this. As sad as this was, knowing how much Dean trusted him warmed his heart. Pulling Dean closer, they sat silently for a while, their heads leaned against each other. When Cas spoke again, it was almost in a whisper so not to disturb the peaceful silence around them. “For what it’s worth: I don’t think you could have done more than you did. You were ready to give up your own dreams and your life as you knew it so she could pursue hers, all to take care of this baby. I don’t know of many young men who would do that.”

Dean didn’t answer but Cas hadn’t expected him to, knowing Dean well enough by now and how difficult it was to get him to accept praise.

They sat there, huddled together until the wind picked up and some snowflakes began to fall. Without a word, Dean untangled himself from Cas and got up, pulling Cas with him. One last look at the grave and the fresh flowers, then they were on their way back to the car, the withered flowers in Dean’s other hand. They didn’t talk until Dean got rid of the old flowers. Only then did he break the silence.

“What did you mean? Earlier, when you said you know … about grief and all that.”

“Oh, ehm.” Cas hesitated for a moment. Not because he didn’t want to be honest with Dean, but because it wasn’t his story to tell. On the other hand, maybe it was, just a little bit. “I was talking about Gabriel.” Cas could sense the movement next to him, probably Dean looking at him, most likely in surprise. No wonder, those few times Dean had met his brother, Gabriel had always been his usual bubbly, annoying self. “He lost his wife three years ago. At first we – that is my other siblings and me – we thought he’d be okay. That was until I got a call one night. He was in the hospital. Had drunk himself into a coma.”

When Dean softly squeezed his hand Cas realized that he’d stopped talking, his thoughts all the way back in time.

“He woke the next day and got released that evening. I’ve been living with him ever since. I mean, by now it’s more out of habit and because it’s certainly a step up from the shitty hole I had before. But it’s also … it’s kinda …”

“Reassuring?”

“Yeah,” Cas replied, looking at Dean, finding nothing but understanding in his eyes. “Yeah, exactly. He’s been good for over a year now, but the thought alone that I’ll be there if he needs me … yeah, it’s reassuring.”

“I get it.” And even though their two cases were almost nothing alike, Cas was sure that Dean really did get him.

They reached the car soon after and once he had some feeling in his hands again, Cas picked up the conversation again.

“So. You actually do want kids of your own, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do,” Dean answered right away, without any hesitation this time. But Cas’ smile was short-lived when he saw Dean search for words after all. “It’s just -- it’s a bit more complicated. I mean, I do want them, I just … have baggage, I guess. You know, Lydia isn’t the only one that broke me in some ways.”

“You mean Brady?” Cas asked, remembering how Dean had told him about his cheating ex during their first date.

However, Dean shook his head, eyes firmly on the road, now covered in a soft blanket of snow. “No. I mean, yeah of course, he broke my trust by cheating. But no, I was talking about partners and kids. With Brady, I never once thought about a future in that way.”

Right, he’d told him that back then. That Brady had just been an on-again, off-again kinda thing. “I was talking about Lisa.”

The name didn’t ring a bell, but then again they hadn’t yet talked about all the exes in their lives.

At a red light, Dean stopped and looked over at Cas. “Do you remember Ben?”

“Ben --? Oh wait, you mean the kid that called on your birthday?”

Nodding, Dean looked back on the road, just in time for the light to turn green. “Yeah. Him.”

“What about him?”

“He was supposed to be my son.”

“What now?”

“I was dating Lisa, his mother, shortly after Lydia. We had a somewhat turbulent relationship, two hotheads unable to be without each other.” A soft smile played around Dean’s lips, but it turned sour and sad very quickly the longer he talked. “We fought every other week, but still, we kinda loved each other. A year after we started dating, we already talked about marriage and a future together.”

“What happened?” Cas prompted after a few seconds of silence.

“She got pregnant soon after that. We were both thrilled and I even bought a ring for her. But when I got down on one knee, she broke down in tears. Admitted that she'd … _reconnected_ with her ex and that the baby might be his.”

There was no need to say more and Cas knew that nothing he would say would help. So he just took Dean’s hand and held it silently, watching as the falling snowflakes grew bigger and heavier, coming down even faster.

Yet, after a while, he couldn’t stop himself from asking: “How come you’re still close to the boy?”

Dean shrugged. “It’s not his fault his mother cheated. His father turned out to be a douche after all. Left them right before Ben’s first birthday. And I’m not a complete ass, so I kind of … I just stepped up and helped Lisa here and there. He’s a great kid, so I don’t regret doing it.”

But he regretted that Ben wasn’t his son, Cas could see it so clearly. Even though Dean tried to keep a shred of his cool demeanor, tried not to show how the whole topic of children and his past relationships hurt him, he failed at it.

Out of the blue, he chuckled, even though it wasn’t as light-hearted as Cas was used to hearing. “I guess this is not how you imagined our first Valentine’s Day would go, right?”

Cas huffed a laugh at that. “No, not really.” Looking at Dean, he took in the view of his boyfriend for a moment, knowing his next words were completely honest. “But I got to know a whole new side of you, and that’s probably worth far more than a few flowers.”

“You saying you don’t want my flowers?”

Out of reflex, Cas lightly slapped Dean on the arm for ruining the moment, but when he got a chuckle out of him – lighthearted and honestly amused again – Cas forgave him. “You better give me those flowers. Even though I don’t have anything for you,” he added with a deep sigh, finally letting Dean in on the plans he had had for them.

To his surprise, Dean took a little detour once Cas had finished.

“Where are we going?”

“Well, nothing about our first Valentine’s is conventional so far. So why should our dinner be?”

Before Cas could ask further questions, Dean took another turn, steering them right into the parking lot of their favorite diner. Realizing that Dean was going for a simple burger and fries menu on Valentine’s Day, Cas let out a bark of laughter. When he saw Dean’s sheepish grin, he leaned in and gave him a peck on his lips. “Awesome idea.”

“Yeah? You okay without some classy home-cooked dinner or a fancy restaurant today?”

“Yes, absolutely. And how about we take it home, snuggle up on the couch, and watch _Star Wars_?”

For just a moment, Dean simply stared at him, looking completely baffled, before his next words tumbled right out: “God, I love you.”

It was the first time these words were spoken between them and at first, Cas thought he’d misheard. Then he wondered how this could only be the first time they’d said it because it felt so damn right.

“I love you, too.”

Leaning in, they kissed once more, before following through with their new plan for their first Valentine’s Day together.

 

~*~

 

** Valentine’s Day 2018 **

Cas was still smiling, the memories so dear to him.

It had been a milestone in their relationship in so many ways. A few days after that, he’d told Dean about his own rocky past with relationships. Nothing as dramatic as Dean’s, no cheating and no lost babies, yet still hurtful in its own way. And ever since, the topic of children had been present between them somehow. They hadn’t talked about it again, not in so many words, but they both knew that they wanted them someday.

A year later, their first Valentine’s Day as a married couple, had been the first time they’d talked about it again for real. But they’d both decided it wasn’t a good time. Back then, Cas was on his way to becoming store manager – which he was by now – and his head was certainly not in the right place to make such big decisions. Last year, the topic had come up again – it was the first time they had a fight on Valentine’s. Because Cas had decided for himself that he wasn’t ready, yet. Thankfully they had kept their promise to never go to bed without making up. They hadn’t touched the topic again after that.

That was, until today.

“Honey, I’m home.”

“Just in time,” Cas called back, hurrying to get the fries out of the deep fryer while he was softly swaying to the music playing on the radio. “Dinner is almost ready.”

“Awesome, I’m starving.”

A strong hand wound around Cas middle, pulling him close. Dean’s skin radiated the cold from outside but his breath was hot and his lips oh-so-soft as they pressed gentle kisses on Cas skin. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Sweetheart.”

Basking in the feeling of Dean’s lips on his neck for a while, Cas finally turned in Dean’s arm, kissing him for real. “Happy Valentine’s Day to you too.”

The hand not holding Cas was still hidden behind Dean’s back, even though there was no need for it. Cas knew exactly what Dean was hiding – a bouquet of red roses of course – but he loved this sweet gesture just as much and his husband knew that. Leaning in, Dean softly nibbled at Cas’ lips before pressing another sweet kiss to them. Only then did he bring his hand back around.

“They are beautiful. Thank you, Dean.” Taking the flowers, Cas held them close to take in the wonderful fragrance before he put them into a vase he’d already prepared. While arranging them he looked back up at Dean, who was stealing some fries from the waiting plate. “So, how many Valentine cards did you get today?”

“Not really sure. I stopped counting at twenty.”

“Any reason for me to get jealous?”

“Well,” Dean began, looking as if he was really thinking about it. “There is this one student teacher that is really cute.”

“Is that so?” Cas replied, trying not to let Dean get a rise out of him. After all, his husband was only joking.

“Yeah. Max Banes. Young. Ambitious. Dark voice and sexy eyes.”

“Dark voice and sexy eyes?”

“Yeah.”

“So exactly your type?”

“Absolutely. Oh and his ass –”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Cas interrupted, basically throwing himself against Dean, the kiss deep and sinful. It was also quick and ended with Cas biting Dean’s lip before letting go of him. “No talking about other guys’ asses on Valentine’s Day.”

“Not even to say that his doesn’t even come close to yours?” Probably to prove his words, Dean took two handful of Cas’ ass cheeks and squeezed them, pulling him close to his own body.

“No, not even then. Besides, the fries are getting cold. I thought you were starving.”

“Maybe I’m starving more for some of this,” Dean murmured into his ear, squeezing him once more. But Cas didn’t give in. Not yet.

He had plans after all.

“Nope, dinner first,” he told Dean very firmly, weaseling out of his grip and reaching for the plates to get their dinner ready. “You’ll need it, old man.”

“You’re the old man,” Dean grumbled back once he realized he’d lost that fight. He seemed to be appeased, however, when the rich smell of homemade burgers intensified when Cas opened the oven where he’d kept the grilled patties warm. Within minutes, they had prepared two burgers, working in complete and peaceful harmony, both swaying to the music, kisses shared here and there. Once dinner was ready, Dean took the plates to the table while Cas made sure everything was switched off and nothing would get burned.

“Ehm, Sweetheart? What’s this?”

Turning around, he saw Dean holding up the wrapped gift.

With a soft smile, he took the vase with the red roses and moved over to the dining room as well. “What does it look like?” He put the flowers on the table and also lit the candles, all while Dean was inspecting the present. His husband looked confused and justifiably so. Ever since their first Valentine’s they’d kept it simple on this day: flowers, burgers, and _Star Wars_. No big present, no annoying search for the right thing to buy, nothing ostentatious.

When Dean started unwrapping the present, Cas was quick to take it away from him, putting it back down. “What did I say about dinner?”

“But –”

Right away, Cas shut him up with a kiss, pushing him to sit down. “How about we start with dinner and then you get to choose which will happen first: either you get to unwrap this present. Or you get to unwrap me and I’ll ride you on the couch.”

Cas loved mentioning sex so casually because it never failed to be a serious turn on for his husband. Right now was no different, fire burning in Dean’s eyes. It was also obvious, however, that his curiosity was piqued.

All through dinner – which Dean didn’t forget to praise – Cas could see his husband’s eye wander back to the wrapping paper with pink hearts and little teddy bears. Therefore, it came as no surprise to Cas when Dean picked it up again the moment he’d finished his burger.

“So, I guess that present first?”

“If you don’t mind?”

Cas’ reply was a smile while he got up and reached for Dean’s hand. His husband followed him over to the couch without another word. He tried really hard not to be too giddy, but Cas could hardly wait for Dean’s reaction once he saw his present.

“Alright, open it,” he urged him the moment they sat down, facing each other.

Thankfully, Dean was quick to comply, not bothering with being careful with the paper. Just a few seconds later, he held the envelope in his hand. One glance at Cas, then he opened it, letting the content fan out over the couch.

Dean’s breath hitch once he’d taken in what lay in front of him.

“Cas, what --” Dean’s voice left him as he reached for the flyer on top of the papers, then for another. Then he looked back up, his eyes so full of question and hope. “Cas, what is this?”

“Different information material I’ve collected over the past few weeks.” Reaching for the stack, Cas separated the different printed papers and brochures and flyer a tad, pointing at general areas while he continued. “Information about adoption; about surrogacy; even about becoming foster parents.”

He looked back up just in time to see Dean swallow hard, the hope in his eyes growing. Yet, his husband said nothing, so Cas put his hand over his.

“Dean, I’m serious about this. With all my heart. I’m ready for the next step.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“It’s not because you feel pressured into this? Because if that’s the case –”

“No, I’m not. Honestly, Dean. You didn’t pressure me.”

“But last year.”

“I know. I just wasn’t ready back then. But, Dean,” he added, softly cupping his husband’s cheek, making sure Dean was really looking at him. “I am now. I needed time, that’s all. I needed to know that I was ready. That I want this for myself as much as for us. Not just because it will make you happy. And I know that now. Collecting all this information, really thinking about having kids …” A soft smile came to his lips with the memories of all the daydreams he had had. “I’m ready.”

Dean held his gaze, his eyes boring into Cas as if he was searching for the truth. After a few heartbeats, he leaned in, pressing a kiss first to Cas’ forehead, then his eyelids, the tip of his nose, and finally his lips.

“I love you. I love you so damn much.”

After another kiss, Dean sat back up, right away inspecting all the papers more closely, eyes shining with pure joy. It was this moment, this bliss, Cas knew he would never forget. Not for the rest of his life.

Neither of them cared that the rest of their Valentine’s plans were set back for a few hours in favor of finding the method that would be the right one for them. And who knows – maybe this time next year, they would celebrate Valentine’s Day as a family of three.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and see you soon <3


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